Be Kind & Have Courage

Have you given away your power before?  Do you even realize what you’ve given up before it’s too late and it’s gone?  The first time (that I can remember) giving up my power and self-strength was my first day of school in a new town-school district-state.  Up until this point in my life, I had moved every couple of years.  I was accustomed to moving and looked at it as a new adventure, a way to meet more people and make new friends.  I was leaving behind some good ones, but I was optimistic at the prospect of new.  My family moved into our new space just days prior to the commencement of the new school year.  Some of my ‘old’ friends and I had spent hours together perfecting our back to school outfits.  Both my friends and with the help of Nordstrom and Gap (uh, and my parents), I was going back to school in a pair of Doc Marten Mary Janes, cream knee socks, a denim skirt (appropriate length, no doubt),a cream polo and an argyle navy sweater vest.  I, no doubt, was wearing one of my signature hairstyles, as I so often have done in my short history.  I was confident in my appearance and was excited for my adventure to begin.  That is where this stopped.

This was the first time that I can clearly remember giving away my power.  As I opened my locker on my first attempt (YES!), I turned around to an approaching group of girls.  I was quickly informed that as the new girl, my outfit was all wrong and I’d make no or very few friends.  I was crushed.  I didn’t even know where the bathroom was at this point to make a quick exit to hide my shame.  I felt ugly, unwanted, my confidence collapsed, my stomach ached and my head spun.  This is the same sentence that replays on repeat mode in my brain whenever I feel uncomfortable in social situations.  That was 16 years ago.

As you can clearly see, I have given away my power more times than I care to admit to even my closest confidants-my husband, sisters & mother.  And, just when I chose to believe these lies & bury them in my chest of power shifts and emotional cut downs, I need to grasp onto truth-I am not alone, I never was and I never will be.  God knows.  My husband, sisters & mother may not, but God knows.

If you’re like me and you’ve allowed some (or many) untruths to be stored in your heart or mind, the next time you’re intentionally ignored, forgotten, name called, complained about, when someone deliberately forgets your name, addresses you harshly, or treats you less than you deserve.  STOP, take a deep breathe or a moment if you can.  Tell yourself that you matter.  Remind yourself that God is there for you- he was & is & always will be.

I have a picture in my mind of what I desire my legacy to be.  It’s not crystal clear; in fact, if it were a painting you’d most certainly need to stand back many feet to even have any idea of what this legacy would look like.  Mostly, I want my children to be able to say that I was loving & kind.  Undoubtedly, I want them to know that I loved the Lord and taught them how.  Additionally, I want them to see how I love their Daddy and know how to express that kind of love for their own spouses one day.  If those three things can be said of me, then truly, nothing else matters.  It does not matter how often I have allowed myself to be less than I ought.  For as often as ‘people’ complain that Disney gets it ‘wrong’, I feel like they surely get it ‘right’ frequently.  The latest example would be the quote from Cinderella, “Be kind & have courage”, that is a beautiful secret to life’s happiness.

Now, I’m seeing all over the gimme five challenge.  But I really do not believe that five sit-ups are better than zero sit-ups…because if you’re like me and you just did five sit-ups instead of zero sit-ups, you’re now entitled to five Girl Scout cookies.  Instead, I challenge you to lift up FIVE girlfriends-write five girlfriends’ handwritten notes, with five things you like about them.  Lift them up and empower them and challenge them to do the same.  Be kind and have courage. 

Do these pants make me look…

By this time, you’ve likely read something on the pros or the cons of wearing leggings as (gasp) actual clothing. Whether you agree or disagree, these articles have you thinking (or perhaps laughing, I don’t really know). “Am I a good Christian?” “Am I causing others to stumble?” “Does wearing leggings really make me look immodest?” Well, at least the answer to the third question is purely one of opinion, to which my answer will be to say that the only opinion that should matter is that of your own (and, well, your husband’s if you have one).

I’ll be perfectly honest; I’m more than a little exasperated by the anti-leggings ramblings as of late. I am so glad that others have kissed leggings goodbye. I applaud those of you that have made such a decision and have stuck with it. Doing what you believe is right in your heart is all that anyone can really aspire, hope or dream to do anyway in this life. However, for those of us that need to Usain Bolt through our homes, neighborhood parks and streets multiple times a day, leggings serve a great & high purpose (and let me reassure you, even if you aren’t chasing three adorable little mouseketeers such as myself, leggings still have a great & high purpose).

As I just alluded to, I’m a mom of three gorgeous kiddos under three yrs old. I’m a stay at home mom, a gift that I thank the Lord for each and every day (even when I’ve been struggling through five.days.of.diarrhea here-not joking, but it may be six days now). I love my job. For me, leggings solve some really huge issues. They clothe me, keep me warm, and allow me to “super woman multi task” without worrying about my clothing or how I look when, or if, someone stops by the house. Quite frankly, I often want to hug that gal (because I assume this creator is a female) that designed these amazing pants. These pants not only make me look presentable & nice, but I can play with my kids (because yes, if my daughter wants to dance party, we dance and if my boys need a mommy jungle gym, I’m there), do housework, run errands and sneak in a workout or yoga class *if I’m truly lucky*. Let’s cheers to this accomplishment.

Beyond my solved needs, let’s talk about women. Women ARE beautiful. I have girlfriends and sisters in many shapes and sizes. I’ll be the first to say that they look awesome in leggings. It doesn’t matter if a former CEO says that not all woman were intended to wear his pants, because quite frankly, if a woman feels confident enough about herself to wear any particular item of clothing, she should be complimented for looking her best in that moment. It’s our job to encourage our gal pals that have worked incredibly hard on weight loss or weight gain or weight maintenance or positive self-outlook, and not tear them down or question what they wear by posting your reasons for no longer wearing an item and thus, silently judging their decision.

I realize by writing on this topic I am bringing more attention to the topic of leggings (so ignore this immediate hypocrisy and look beyond at the truth). Let’s stop drawing attention to the fact that some women like to wear leggings and will continue to wear them and others do not like them and will not wear them. As the male correspondent on GMA (where they covered this topic quickly on 1/21/15) pointed out, men have more control than women give them credit. I’ve always believed that when you give someone the chance to reach higher they will. Looking past just leggings, a quick search through most female closets will reveal that most of pants are nearly as fitted *if not more in some cases* than that of leggings (just in my twin skin mommy case they are accompanied by a cute muffin top). Perhaps this argument is, in general, with the fashion industry? A quick history lesson on fashion will assure the legging nay-sayers that just like Colorado weather, wait a minute, and it will change. (but for fun, go check out how revealing the dresses were during the Civil War—and um, corsets, if that doesn’t leave anything to the imagination…). Fashion ebbs and flows. Could some women dress more modestly, sure, but then again who monitors modesty. Kerry’s definition differs from Laura’s, which differs from Jenny’s, which differs yet from Ann’s.

In essence, whether someone wants to wear leggings or not is their choice. There absolutely are two sides to every coin. This does not need to be a political nor religious discussion. Modesty, in general, is subjective. Let’s not turn this into another republican vs democratic, breastmilk vs formula, cloth vs disposable, co sleep vs crib debate. Our larger problem as a female population (and will continue to be until we fix our mistake) is that we do not take the time to build one another up. Where is the edification? We leave comments all too quickly and perfectly placed, which are meant to jar our fellow woman. Why do we take joy in rattling people who could be our biggest supporters? Lift up your fellow girlfriend, pray for her, spread joy and cheer, write her kind words. But let’s drop the judgments on clothing. The gal wearing Tory Burch can have the same relationship with Christ as the “thrifter”. Wearing leggings does not make someone immodest (unless of course they are clearly see through-then help her out and offer her a sweater because she likely has NO CLUE—just like spinach in her teeth…but tell her in a loving and private way, not public and humiliating). Start assuming the best rather than the worst. Watch how you change once you start doing just that. You’ll be happier, less stressed & cynical and you may even find some more free time in your day. Again, on any given day, all we can do is the best we can with the tools we’ve been given. If a gal feels as though leggings are the best way to dress to accomplish the many jobs that she is juggling, then more power to her. In fact, consider coming alongside her and encouraging her—because she’s probably exhausted and ready for a friend.
(and just like that, I think I’ve found my inspiration to blog again)

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

As you have definitely noted by now, I have taken a long hiatus from writing and sharing.  My life has certainly taken on countless plot  twists in the last three months.  The no longer shocking, surprising BUT still exciting news is that we are once again blessed to be pregnant!  Before most women are even aware that they are pregnant, I knew because I was exhausted (albeit, I was finishing my 1/2 marathon training…but that’s “nothing new”).  On September 17 of this year, my husband and I found that we are expecting fraternal twins.  Plot twist one!

Here is where I will definitely begin to share my heart & why I feel as though my heart has been completely in full renovation ‘under construction’ mode….

At this exact moment, we are several weeks shy of a ten year mark.  Nearly ten years ago, I got into a car with two brothers and traveled five hours northwest for a Christmas Conference.  I knew the brothers, but not incredibly well. Less than one year later, one of those brothers and I would seriously be courting one another and a few short weeks later we had had countless confirmations of our decision.  We were on our path…together!  I quickly began planning and dreaming of the future we would have.  Married after graduation (check!); house (check!); dog (CHECK!–he’s amazing!); fun newlywed years (check!); two children…..I know myself.  I know Kerry.  At least I though I knew Kerry better than any.other.person.any.where.  I WAS WRONG.

We are expecting the most precious little set of twins that I have ever seen.  Since September 17, my heart has been broken, shattered and honestly, bled.  AND, it is all for God’s glory.  He is teaching me through these twins, more than I have EVER been open to learning before.  I now know that what I thought I was too weak for, God knows I am capable of and will do for Him. 

Approaching plot twist number two and another life lesson….

On October 14, I had a routine “ten minute” pre-natal checkup…that did not go as planned.  We could only find one baby heart beat.  After several minutes of searching, I was sent into the waiting room to wait for my turn for an ultrasound position to become available.  During this wait, a young women came in a sat next to me.  She began discussing her life situation with me.  As she began, I was attempting to give her every body language signal that I simply needed some space (I needed prayer).  But that was not God’s plan.  She shared that her baby (present with us) was 6 months old and she was already 20 weeks with a new one.  She wasn’t sure if she was going to keep the new one or not. It was at this point, just as my heart was sinking deeper into despair, she was called into her own appointment & I was left to wait in some peace.  I prayed.  I prayed “harder” than I have ever prayed before.  I was fervently on my knees (okay, it was still a chair), but I was again broken, shattered and bleeding.  It was in that moment on October 14, that I knew I not only wanted my twins, I truly loved them as much as my living, breathing and walking little girl.  Shortly after my ultrasound began, I was relieved to discover my two babies were healthy and growing beautifully.

The Lord works in mysterious ways, but they are for His glory and our benefit. 

The plot thickens….

On November 12, we had our “mid pregnancy ultrasound”.  The exciting ultrasound…the one where if you want to know the gender…you can FIND OUT!  We definitely wanted to know our genders (two boys!).  And they were definitely not shy about that.  However, baby A did not give our ultrasound technician great accessibilities to his heart.  What was able to be seen, however, was enough to send us to a specialist to have Baby A’s heart checked out further.  Our own hearts were torn between confidence that no matter what, this child is perfect & faithfully loving him AND (or) further despair, anguish and worry.  It was there that our hearts were left to teeter-totter until a our specialist appointment.

We had our ultrasound with a specialist and we found a healthy Baby A & Baby B and they are actually larger at this point than our daughter was!  We are blown away by this amazing news.  We give all the praise and glory to our Lord!  We definitely walked a path (albeit only for two weeks) where we were getting comfortable with the idea that God had yet another plot twist for us, in terms of our children’s health.  We fully realize that an ultrasound does not mean that all is perfect.  We fully realize that an ultrasound may not have seen or caught something.  But we also know and trust the Lord.  He has been working on our hearts, daily…even moment by moment. 

My heart and soul have been under construction and I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m so incredibly thankful for the privilege of carrying twins, for the privilege of having my eyes opened & heart softened and for the high calling of being a follower of Christ, a wife and a mother.

What have I been up to?

I cringe to see the date on the calendar…August 15?!? Already? So soon? As I feel somewhat desperate that my summer is quickly vanishing, I am also able to reflect on the amazing weather and experiences that I have enjoyed this summer. I was able to check off some major items from my summer list! (**do you have seasonal checklists? i do!)

We made it up to one of my favorite areas that this region has to offer: Door County! My daughter was ever so delighted to have new people to watch all.day.long.

I finished my first triathlon as a mommy! I greatly love the sport of triathlon. There is an amazing and supportive community at these events. I had the privilege to be assigned a number next to a brand new triathlete. I helped her set up her station, gave her tips, encouraged her and got her excited! Isn’t that what it’s all about? Encouraging one another? Supporting one another in our goals, both enormous and tiny? I gave tips to some other newbies throughout the bike portion and run portion and made some new friendships after the race. I even found a long-lost “sister” from my swim team days on the bike portion! All-in-all, an amazing success and after my baby hiatus, I have the triathlon bug…once again.

I hit up a drive-in movie. We saw PLANES and LONE RANGER. I loved both. I thought Planes had a sweet message and was a great encouragement. Lone Ranger, in my opinion, was phenomenal. Granted, I am not a serious movie critic by any means. My main movie criteria is: non-violent/non-scary (i don’t do scary anything)/easy on the profanity…you get the idea. My only disappointment from Lone Ranger was that Johnny Depp played Tonto. I feel as though they could have saved Jack Sparrow and recruited a new actor.

We had a patio guests and dinners and grill outs and picnics and park dates and pool dates and bike rides and long runs and short runs and dog walks and gardening…oh yes, and more gardening and so much playing and learning! I definitely do not feel as though the summer weather was wasted on this home; however, we are savoring each and every second from this point forward. We will never concede that our summers are ‘long enough’. For the next few weeks, if you need us…you can look for us under the sun, soaking up our vitamin D and pure, fresh air.

**If you don’t already have seasonal checklists, I highly recommend it. They come in so handy for maximizing your quality time and in essence, memories! Start small and short, write down just five of your favorite things to do each season and make sure you do them!

 (ME at my triathlon, thanks to my husband…I was confident that no matter how I performed I was definitely matching in my favorite color! …maybe it was the fun new tri apparel, but I definitely did much better than expected and placed in the top ten!!!)

Freedom for all….and freedom in yoga!

This week is a long loved week for Americans.  We anticipate local, fresh produce that has either arrived or will soon…knee high by the Fourth of July.  For some reason, we (unfortunately) start saying things such as…summer’s half-way through (to that I say, check your calendar for the solstice again).  It is a week of family, friends and celebrations.  It is a week filled with apple pies (a la mode, of course), fresh cherries & strawberries & blueberries & watermelon…and of course our American long-time-favorite “the cook out”.  It is a wonderful week, where we pull out our “colors” and wear them proudly.  It is a week meant for reflection.  To reflect upon where our country has been, where our country is going…perhaps where you have been and where you are going.  It is a week that reminds us we are united by the bond of country, fellowship, struggle and achievement.

I am thankful for my privilege of walking (or driving) wherever I may like to do (almost) whatever I may like.  I am thankful that I can attend whichever church I please.  I am thankful that I may utilize countless fitness facilities AND wear as much or as little as I please (within reason!).  I am thankful that as a woman in this country I am seen as an individual with worthy, notable thoughts & ideas that are valued in conversation.  I am thankful that I can raise my daughter in a manner that my husband & I, together & alone, see fit & based on her needs to become a responsible, intelligent and capable adult.  I’m thankful for countless “little” freedoms and numerous “BIG” liberties that so many others in various places around the world do not have the ability to exercise.

Did you know that you can also find freedom in Yoga?  YES.  In fact, throughout an entire yoga practice the focus is generally on liberating the shoulders, spine and hips!  From the very beginning of your practice in child’s pose, you’re working on opening your shoulders, lengthening your spine and opening your hips.  From our day-to-day poor posture (which is the grave cause of our shoulder and back pain) to our day-to-day stress and worry (which we frequently hold in our hips, yoga can benefit everyone from the youngest among us to the eldest.

I’m currently participating in a thirty day yoga challenge.  I love it!  Because of the challenge, I’m finding time to squeeze something into my day!  Below is a quick summary of a SUN A.  Review it, save it…it’ll come in handy for our next quick 30 minute workout!

Mountain Pose   (inhale)

Forward Fold  (exhale)

Half-way Lift  (inhale)

Chaturanga  (exhale)

Upward Dog  (inhale)

Downward Dog  (exhale)

Step or hop to the top of your mat

Halfway Lift (inhale)

Forward Fold (exhale)

Mountain Pose (inhale)

Mountain is both the beginning and the end of the SUN A.

Practice this, as I mentioned, I will use the SUN As in the next quick thirty minute workout!

Happy FOURTH week!  Go FOURTH and extend grace & love to those around you!

How to LOVE your child(ren)

I received this information over a year ago, while I was still pregnant, from my husband’s oldest high school buddy.  (Strange source?  Not really, he’s a great guy & genuinely invested in my husband, our marriage and our daughter).  I have reviewed these ten suggestions periodically over the past twelve months.  As my daughter’s first year comes to a close this week (sigh, sob, smile: seriously, so many emotions here), my heart is fervently bent toward imprinting this information on my heart and mind…so, I thought I would share:

 

1. Eagerly, humbly submit to the Word of God.

2. Don’t pigeonhole your children.

3. Discipline biblically.

4. Set Clear Expectations.

5. Recognize obedience.

6. Listen to the whole story first.

7. Honor your spouse in front of you them

8. Don’t change your behavior toward your children in public.

9. Don’t take your children’s sin as a personal insult.

10. Forgive. FOR REAL.

I don’t think that these were placed in any specific order, if they were, I would definitely rearrange them (I like #1, but maybe #7 should be #2…and so on!).  I also think that these are good reminders.  Reminders for what we (I) should be doing continually.  I don’t want to honor my husband just in front of my daughter.  I need to honor him continually.  I shouldn’t change my behavior in public…period.  I should always listen to the entire story, rather than jumping in, thinking ahead (missing details?).  I love the pigeonhole one!  It is so incredibly true!  How often to we set limitations on ourselves for no reason other than it is what we have come to understand about ourselves through someone else’s interpretation of who we are?  Clear expectations.  Well…that would cut a lot of mis-communication out of our lives.

 

Anyway, I like these ten suggestions.  They are simple.  They are practical.  I can apply them.  As my daughter’s first year comes to a close and the rest of her life is only just beginning, I am glad that I have some tender moments to reflect on the mother I not only want but need to be.  We have had the privilege of seeing so much of her personality blossom this past year and we definitely have a vision for her life of what we think she will become.  Now, it is our job to continue to foster her growth and potential.  It is our job to continue to nurture her development through both discipline and encouragement, so that she will grow into a kind, tender-hearted young woman with a heart for the Lord, serving His people, loving His people….so that, she can live with a calming peace & joy that draws others to her…so that, she will be a strong, confident & unique young woman not easily deceived…so that, she will be intelligent and use her intelligence and wisdom for good.

 

You see, I have many prayers and desires for my daughter.  Some will certainly come to fruition, some may not.  I will need to know that it is my job to do my best with a loving and thankful heart.  I will need to know that when my perfect vision does not come to be, it is not necessarily a failure that I’m to be responsible for or to.  But rather, I need to leave room for the Lord to do His work in my daughter.  I need to remember both my job and my place.

http://theresurgence.com/2012/01/31/10-ways-to-love-your-kids

 

Fear…not freedom

Fighting from a place of fear, not confidence (…certainly not freedom) is dangerous.  Living in fear can be paralyzing.  It can cloud your judgement, particularly when all you desire is clarity.

I have numerous regrets.  I have numerous regrets that stem from saying too little when I had conviction to say more.  I have numerous regrets that stem from saying too much when I knew too little.  Catch 22.  One effects the other and both effect the way I think, feel, act & react today.

But then, in moments of clarity…I realize and remember that my regret and what if mentality come not from the Lord.

Jer 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I cannot take it upon myself by holding onto regret, grief and strife that everytime I didn’t say something when I felt I should directly impacts another’s life.  I cannot hold onto that and take that away from the Lord.  I must trust in His plans.  Plans for my life.  Plans for my family’s lives.  Plans for my friends’ lives.  We serve a mighty Lord.  He does amazing things.  I need to remember to that.  I need to hold onto that.

When You Wish Upon A Star…

This song has been cycling through my mind on repeat today!  Soon, we will be leaving the comfort of our home and daily routines to embark on a Disney Cruise!

I am not ashamed to admit that I love all things DISNEY.  It is true, everything they do….is magical!  I love the parks, I love the resorts, I love the races…but I especially love the DISNEY CRUISE LINE!  Without a doubt, DCL tops my Disney Favorite Things list!  The cruise is amazing, luxurious, relaxing, quiet & peaceful with enough fun & excitement for all ages!

This time this cruise is extra special!  I have experienced DCL as a teen, as a single adult and as a young married adult.  But this time…we will experience the cruise with clear and fresh eyes, again.  We will experience the cruise as parents!  For the first time, we will begin to utilize more of what Disney has to offer its cruisers!  While we will be spending considerably less time at Quiet Cove and infinitely more time at Nemo’s Reef, we are thrilled to experience Disney through our daughter’s eyes!  We are eagerly, anxiously, excitedly awaiting our eventual departure!

I will give you a full report upon our return.

One day we will have to remind our daughter of how fortunate she was to take two amazing vacations during her first year of life AND how fortunate she was to become a Castaway Club Member before her first birthday.  Yes, she may not appreciate all that Disney has to offer her at such a young age.  Yes, during my countless hours of researching “infants & disney cruise” I read numerous negative reports from nay sayers that hold strong opinions against vacationing with children and especially young children.  BUT, we are completely smitten/in-love/adore our daughter and cannot think of anything better than to vacation with her.

This all being said…my husband is Danish.  Danes are usually known as “the happiest people on Earth”.  Why?  Because, in general, they go into everything with very low expectations…which in turn causes each experience to exceed expectations…thus, HAPPY.  I am hoping that I haven’t built all of this anxious excitement up too much!  Nah….enjoy the horn!

Motherhood, my Mother’s Day

My entire life was defined by my desire to love and nurture a child. Growing up, I had always wanted to be my mom! My mom was (is) the best! She’s funny, athletic, likes fashion, crafty, has awesome gardens, is very loving, is entirely self sacrificing, loves the Lord, serves the Lord and so so much more.

Very early on in our dating relationship (I was possibly still denying to my best girlfriend that we were a couple), my husband and I had a conversation where he presented his vision for his future. Specifically, he pointed out that it was very important to him that he provide for his family. He was serious beyond what I was prepared for at the time. But, I’m sure I must have had tears in my eyes at that moment…when I realized, maybe I could be a mom….my mom!

We are celebrating our sixth wedding anniversary and our daughter’s first birthday next month. I’m so blessed to be her Mommy AND have my Mommy near for guidance. I’m so thankful for my husband’s love and generosity in helping to make my lifelong dream come true.

I started my (first!) Mother’s Day with a yoga class, then enjoyed a light family breakfast while my husband shared some of God’s word with our daughter…all before we went to the zoo. My daughter took so much delight in the animals, she was so amazing to watch as her curiosity bloomed! After lunch, she took a nap which allowed us the opportunity to do much needed yard-work! We took a family bike ride, played with my parents dogs & sister’s cat. We finished the day by watching my daughter play in her bubble bath and enjoying wine on our patio with my sister & her fiancé (with the patio heater of course—thanks to the frigid May weather). As the day was centered on all things me, I clearly took the opportunity to squeeze in nearly everything I love (all that was missing was a swim and a run!

It was a wonderful Mother’s Day, but truly….I wish specific holidays were not set aside for mothers or fathers and that we’d all remember to be both thankful and grateful on a daily basis. Nevertheless, I’m thrilled to have finally celebrated my first Mother’s Day. I’m thankful for sweet little girl and her very loving Daddy!

Integrity

On February 17, 2009 around 12:30pm, I walked into a Lions Den.  Not literally, definitely metaphorically.  My intuition can be incredibly keen (eerily keen?).  Unfortunately, I had failed to listen to my gut, heart and head for multiple weeks leading up to this date and that is how I stumbled upon this metaphorical predicament.

In this Lions Den, I had my heart ripped out of my chest.  I was left battered, bruised and broken beyond what I thought could be repaired.  Of course this, too, is all metaphorical.  Scars and wounds can heal.  Instead my wounds were from a blitz kreig attack on my character, integrity and person.  Just as in WWII, a blitz kreig attack was something no one ever saw coming; it was quick, divisive and precise.  Of course it was war-time and of course I failed to listen to my intuition.

I do not remember walking, running nor crawling away.  I do not remember driving home.  I do remember my husband.  I remember how he ran to me and held me and promised to take care of me and fight for my healing and continue to protect me.

Someone incredibly dear to me recently found themselves in my old Lions Den.  My four-year old wounds, still healing, have been reopened; but I now know that my brokeness needed to be reset, just like a cast.  I have more clarity now.  I know that God took me through my Lions Den to bring help, hope and love to another.  At a time when I was lost for words, I have begun to rediscover my voice.  The following is what I helped create for my dear friend, to help them find their voice, share with others and help bring some closure.  I only wish that I could have found my voice four years ago.

I am so thankful to both see and know that God’s hand of grace and love has carried me here today.  In life, you don’t just find yourself lucky.  God’s hand is both on and in all things and he not only allows, but ordains all things.  He does not promise a smooth life, it is how we overcome obstacles, diversity and affliction that sanctify us.  Job 27.5 ’till I die I will not put away my integrity from me’.  More than any other lesson I have learned throughout my life is to hold steadfast and true to the Lord and do all things with the integrity of the Lord.  Eph 4.2 ‘be completely humble and gentle; be patient; bearing with one another in love’.  In closing a quote from Helen Keller, “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet.  Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired and success achieved”.

I struggle to trust.  I struggle with vulnerability.  But I’m working on my voice and I’m still learning to lean.