UNDER CONSTRUCTION

As you have definitely noted by now, I have taken a long hiatus from writing and sharing.  My life has certainly taken on countless plot  twists in the last three months.  The no longer shocking, surprising BUT still exciting news is that we are once again blessed to be pregnant!  Before most women are even aware that they are pregnant, I knew because I was exhausted (albeit, I was finishing my 1/2 marathon training…but that’s “nothing new”).  On September 17 of this year, my husband and I found that we are expecting fraternal twins.  Plot twist one!

Here is where I will definitely begin to share my heart & why I feel as though my heart has been completely in full renovation ‘under construction’ mode….

At this exact moment, we are several weeks shy of a ten year mark.  Nearly ten years ago, I got into a car with two brothers and traveled five hours northwest for a Christmas Conference.  I knew the brothers, but not incredibly well. Less than one year later, one of those brothers and I would seriously be courting one another and a few short weeks later we had had countless confirmations of our decision.  We were on our path…together!  I quickly began planning and dreaming of the future we would have.  Married after graduation (check!); house (check!); dog (CHECK!–he’s amazing!); fun newlywed years (check!); two children…..I know myself.  I know Kerry.  At least I though I knew Kerry better than any.other.person.any.where.  I WAS WRONG.

We are expecting the most precious little set of twins that I have ever seen.  Since September 17, my heart has been broken, shattered and honestly, bled.  AND, it is all for God’s glory.  He is teaching me through these twins, more than I have EVER been open to learning before.  I now know that what I thought I was too weak for, God knows I am capable of and will do for Him. 

Approaching plot twist number two and another life lesson….

On October 14, I had a routine “ten minute” pre-natal checkup…that did not go as planned.  We could only find one baby heart beat.  After several minutes of searching, I was sent into the waiting room to wait for my turn for an ultrasound position to become available.  During this wait, a young women came in a sat next to me.  She began discussing her life situation with me.  As she began, I was attempting to give her every body language signal that I simply needed some space (I needed prayer).  But that was not God’s plan.  She shared that her baby (present with us) was 6 months old and she was already 20 weeks with a new one.  She wasn’t sure if she was going to keep the new one or not. It was at this point, just as my heart was sinking deeper into despair, she was called into her own appointment & I was left to wait in some peace.  I prayed.  I prayed “harder” than I have ever prayed before.  I was fervently on my knees (okay, it was still a chair), but I was again broken, shattered and bleeding.  It was in that moment on October 14, that I knew I not only wanted my twins, I truly loved them as much as my living, breathing and walking little girl.  Shortly after my ultrasound began, I was relieved to discover my two babies were healthy and growing beautifully.

The Lord works in mysterious ways, but they are for His glory and our benefit. 

The plot thickens….

On November 12, we had our “mid pregnancy ultrasound”.  The exciting ultrasound…the one where if you want to know the gender…you can FIND OUT!  We definitely wanted to know our genders (two boys!).  And they were definitely not shy about that.  However, baby A did not give our ultrasound technician great accessibilities to his heart.  What was able to be seen, however, was enough to send us to a specialist to have Baby A’s heart checked out further.  Our own hearts were torn between confidence that no matter what, this child is perfect & faithfully loving him AND (or) further despair, anguish and worry.  It was there that our hearts were left to teeter-totter until a our specialist appointment.

We had our ultrasound with a specialist and we found a healthy Baby A & Baby B and they are actually larger at this point than our daughter was!  We are blown away by this amazing news.  We give all the praise and glory to our Lord!  We definitely walked a path (albeit only for two weeks) where we were getting comfortable with the idea that God had yet another plot twist for us, in terms of our children’s health.  We fully realize that an ultrasound does not mean that all is perfect.  We fully realize that an ultrasound may not have seen or caught something.  But we also know and trust the Lord.  He has been working on our hearts, daily…even moment by moment. 

My heart and soul have been under construction and I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m so incredibly thankful for the privilege of carrying twins, for the privilege of having my eyes opened & heart softened and for the high calling of being a follower of Christ, a wife and a mother.